Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
