are you still at the devil's house?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm sobbing to NWA
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
