she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
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Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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