yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
