I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh god it's open bar.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize