Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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