just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
her facebook's as public as her vagina
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
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