i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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