Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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