there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
