You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
