you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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