This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
