i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Congratulations! We have a period
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
