I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
