My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
