i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
