i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
