Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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