There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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