i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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