what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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