I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We got so high we made milksteak
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
