Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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