he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
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drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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