He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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