She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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