the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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