that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
