I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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