i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
