wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
