FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
