I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
