I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
