I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
