Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
