Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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