woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
