hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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