Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
