Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
