I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
