hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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