Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
