You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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