I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
