Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
