why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
