He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
