apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
