hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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