Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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