I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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