I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize