Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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