she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
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So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
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Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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