i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
