No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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