I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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