Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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